Then there was the time I sat in the office where Ché ordered the executions of so many on the opposite side. Batista, bad guy. You’d be against him if he was around today. Yet, all the killing? Reading after the fact, that kind of thing was expected with a “leadership turnover” in what we call Latin America (why don’t they speak latin?).
Still, I’d promised myself I’d lay down a thick cloud of farts in the building. Yet when I was there, it wasn’t in me.
Around the corner is the world’s largest cigar, on display. Just so you know.
Oh, by the way, that famous portrait of him was taken at a funeral. Ché was also known as “the pig” as he wasn’t interested much in personal cleanliness.
The Entropic Gang Bang Caper, a short piece by Norman Spinrad originally published in the British magazine New Worlds in 1969 and collected under the title The Last Hurrah of the Golden Horde has some entertaining things to say about our year of 2020. If you’re not familiar with the events of that era, let’s just say there was extensive civil unrest and social change.
Not unlike 2020.
This short work of fiction does not have a narrative, plot or characters. It reads more as a series of short news stories bookmarked with semi-psychedelic commentary. What follows is a series of excerpts that I find most pithy and entertaining.
PBA THREATENS STRIKE OVER DEMONSTRATION TACTICS
New York, N.Y. The President of the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association threatened to call a general police strike unless all riot police were immediately disarmed. “Armed police have a tough time getting laid at demonstrations,” he explained. “It’s bad for morale.”
SCOTUS RULES ON CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUE
Washington, D.C. The Supreme Court, in a unanimous decision today, declared the Constitution Unconstitutional. “There is no provision whatsoever in the Constitution for the Constitution,” the Court decision pointed out.
UNIVERSITY DEMANDS DEMONSTRATOR CONTROL OF POLICE
Berkeley, Calif. At a news conference called after the latest Berkeley riot, the Chancellor of the University of California demanded tighter demonstrator control of police. “The situation would never have gotten out of hand if the police had been forced to summon demonstrators earlier,” he declared. “It’s time the anarchists stopped coddling the police.”
MUGGER CLEARED OF POLICE BRUTALITY RAP
New York, N.Y. Superior Court Judge Arthur Cranz today dismissed charges of intent to commit police brutality against Herbert Smith, 29. Smith, a member of the International Brotherhood of Muggers, has been accused of police brutality against Patrolman David MacDougal of New York City Vice Squad, when the latter’s nightstick was buggered during a routine mugging in New York’s Central Park. Judge Cranz ruled that since both men were under the influence of capitalist propaganda at the time, intent could not be proven. However, all there paternity suits arising out of the incident are still pending in civil court.
SECRETARY OF TREASURY ABSCONDS
New York, N.Y. The Secretary of the Treasury today announced his formal abscondence with the National Debt at a press conference held in a Wall Street crash-pad. He told reporters that he planned to sell the Debt to the Mafia as a tax-loss, deposit the proceeds in municipal bonds, and accept a Presidential appointment to the Mothers of Invention.
BECAUSE WE LOVE EACH OTHER, THAT’S WHY!
Reno, Nevada. At a press conference in Reno today, the President and the Vice President announced that they had been married during the night in a private ceremony conducted by the Chief of Naval Operations. “I just don’t see what all the fuss is about,” the Vice President said. “We’re just two people in love, that’s all.” “This time it’s for keeps!” the President assured reporters as the newlyweds left for a two-week honeymoon in Niagra Falls.
So I’m returning from Forest Grove where I was visiting my lovely, talented and very fun daughter when the spirit of Watusi intervened.
He whipped past me on his single-speed, no shirt, cheeky backpack. My Yuba elMundo electric cargo bike is monumentally strong, but not fast. A few blocks ahead of me, I can dimly see in the streetlights he’s bombing towards Killingsworth, arms waving above his head in joyous wild abandon then BAM! smack into the pavement.
I pull up to his crumpled form, using my bike lights to make sure to shield him from any auto traffic coming up behind us. (COVID rules – no traffic, but still best to be careful) Of course, he’s young enough that even sans-shirt he bounced off the road and was back on his bike in 30 seconds.
If only I had my phone out and recorded it, because it was pretty entertaining.
Now here’s something kewl about biking one simply can’t get from our fine motor vehicles… We chatted while riding along. His name is Drew. Yes, he’s a Bike Nut.
Destination: Planet Negro is a sci-fi spoof and social satire from Kevin Willmott, a filmmaker with a very specific voice, and whose works we’ve previously covered here at Cinapse. I’ve tried to shine some attention on Willmott, partially because he’s local, but mostly because his films incorporate important themes that need to be a part of our contemporary dialogue. Are his racial satires preachy? Yes, undeniably. But they’re frequently insightful and also pretty darned entertaining.
“I have another issue I need to address here, so that you have time to prepare before your next visit to the store:When you were in the store the other day to begin the onboarding process, I noticed that you carried with you a strong presence of garlic odor (?). It may have been on your clothes or something. Because there are many coworkers working with each other, as well as the customers on the sales floor, the company policy manual addresses the policy of personal hygiene and odors such as strong perfumes, etc. I’ll have to ask you to consider if this is a condition you can resolve before you’re completely onboarded, because it is not something we can delay attending to.”
